Nuclear Family
by LoneBlunderer
Summary: A novelization of the events of Fallout 4, with some slight changes to the dialogue and story and mechanics and pretty much everything else.


Nuclear Family- The (Slightly Modified) Fallout 4 Story

1- Nate 'n Nora

"War never changes!" Nate cried as he cut himself shaving. A quick patch of toilet paper later and he was once again as handsome as he'll ever be, as there was no personal hygiene product that could change the wear and tear embedded in his face from years of military service and the even more brutal years of suburban living. The stern yet loving face of his wife Nora peeked out from over his shoulder as she waited her turn to use the mirror, a ritual they had established after getting used to how little they actually had to do now that their Mr. Handy robot butler had arrived. The metal ball of manners and efficiency had proven so much mastery over household chores, including caretaking of the young, potato-shaped baby Shaun in the next room, that Nate and Nora had very little to do besides watch each other get ready in the mornings. It was a veritable paradise, a robust marriage, a precious son, a sentient machine that changed said precious son's diapers, and a charming suburban home on the outskirts of Boston. If anything could possibly go wrong, it would have by now, they assumed.

"You look fine," Nora urged. She handed him a sleek handheld experimental military device. "Why don't you use that laser hair removal thing they sent you though? You were always good with a raygun."

"Yeah." Nate twirled the device around in his fingers. It slipped out and hit the floor, firing a thin red beam that bounced off of the mirror and out the open window, across the street and into an unfortunate neighbor's eye. Nate quickly closed the blinds and then shared a hearty laugh with his wife.

They walked across the hall and into Shaun's room. The baby was lounging around doing very little, as babies are wont to do, contemplating pooping. Nate looked down at his son and saw some of his own features in the wiggling blob of infancy, as well as those of his wife, because that's how genetics works. He also felt the sudden craving for hash browns.

"Spin the mobile," Nora suggested, leaning in the doorway. "He likes it."

Nate swatted at assortment of rocketships looming over his baby's crib and watched them spin around. Enchanted by the colors and movement, he said, "Hell, so do I. We should get one for our room." His wife would have laughed if she didn't know he was dead serious. By now, Shaun had made a decision about whether or not to poop.

"Oh, god. Codsworth!" Nate called. Nora stepped aside to let their Mr. Handy float into the room.

"Yes, sir?" Codsworth asked, one optic sensor on Nate and another on the baby. The clean-burning exhaust did its best to combat the encroaching smell of Shaun's diaper, and failed. "Ah, yes. I see. Right away, sir." Codsworth proceeded to engage infant caretaking protocols while Nate and Nora left the room. As they walked out, they heard Codsworth wonder aloud, "Why was I programmed to smell things?"

Nate wandered into the kitchen. "Is there any Nuka Cola left?"

"For breakfast? Remember what your doctor said about poor life choices?" Nora replied. There was a knock on the door and she sighed. "Oh god."

"Who is it?" Nate asked. He struggled with the twist-off cap of Nuka Cola and sought out the bottle opener.

"Who do you think?" Nora opened the door to the familiar sight of the jackass in a trench coat holding a clipboard.

"Have you heard the good news about our lord and savior Jesus Christ? Haha, I'm kidding, it's me, Vault-Tec Guy."

"Are we the first house you come to every morning?" Nora asked.

"Heh, actually-"

"Is that… is that the same shirt you were wearing yesterday?"  
"Look, lady, they pay me based on how many people I get to sign up. And since nobody in this neighborhood apparently cares about shelter in the event of a nuclear detonation, I sleep in the dumpster down the road. I don't live well. There, are you happy?"

Nora studied the man's sweaty, nervous face. "Fine. We get in for free, right?"

"Uh, that's right. Because of your husband's military record. Just sign here." He handed Nora the clipboard and a pen. then tried to look over her shoulder into the house. "Nice, uh, nice place you've got here. Mind having your friendly Vault-Tec representative over for breakfast? Heh."  
"Absolutely not." Nora shoved the clipboard back to him. "Will that be all?"

"Apparently. Have a nice d-" The slamming door didn't allow the Vault-Tec Guy to finish.

"What happened?" Nate asked, flipping through channels on the television.

"I just signed up for the damn vault thing."

"Oh. Might as well, I guess. Better to have it and not need it than need it and not have it." Nate chugged his cola and spilled some on the carpet. Ignoring Nora's death-glare, he called for Codsworth.

"One moment, sir," Codsworth said, floating down the hallway with a soiled diaper.

"Wait, go back," Nora demanded.

"I assure you, your child has produced as much waste as he possibly could this morning-"

"Not you, Codsworth." She gestured her head towards the television. "Go back, what was that?"

"Uh, some boring crap about the stock market or something," Nate said, going back a few channels to the image of a newscaster and the words "NUCLEAR DETONATION."

"Turn it up!"  
The news anchor's panicked voice got louder as Nate turned the knob. "-confirmed nuclear detonations have occurred in New York and Pennsylvania…"

"Yikes. Good thing that's not us," Nate said.

"You idiot. We have to go. Now!"  
"Go where?"

Nora ran off to Shaun's room, pushing Codsworth aside. Nate finished his soda.

"Sir, what's going on?" Codsworth asked.

Nate shrugged. "You know. Women. Am I right?"

Codsworth's blank expressionless stare seemed blanker and more expressionless than usual.

Nora returned with the baby. The sirens had begun to sound. "Why are you still standing around? Get to the Vault!"

"Oh. Right. Right! Oh crap!" Nate scrambled to open the front door. He rushed out of the house with his wife and child, leaving Codsworth floating idly in the living room.

"I, uh, guess I'll just wait here then?"

The neighborhood was in a panic. The neighbors were screaming, running down the street, some in the opposite direction of the vault. A small mob had begun flipping cars over for no discernable reason. A man was chasing a chicken around.

"Dear God," Nate muttered, watching society fall apart at the seams. Not watching where he was going, he collided with a soldier posted at the end of the road.

"Watch it, you moron! Everyone going to the Vault, go that way." The soldier motioned towards the dirt road going up the hill, where people were lined up and waiting to be admitted. Nate took Nora by the hand and pushed past them all.

"Out of my way, civilians! I'm a veteran! I fought for this country! I get to go first!" Nate shouted.

"So am I!" one of the neighbors remarked. "Why should you get to-"

"Stay calm!" Nate demanded, punching the man in the face. He turned to the soldiers guarding the gate. "Sorry about that. You know how people are."

The guards were not amused, but nonetheless looked at his clipboard. "You aren't on the list."

"We did sign up this morning. Like, three minutes ago," Nora said. She rocked Shaun a little to keep him quiet, and all things considered, Shaun had been pretty quiet. He didn't care about any of this stuff.

"Is that right?"

The Vault-Tec rep came running up the hill. He stopped to catch his breath, then shouted, "Wait!"

"Him! We signed up with him. I think that's our application on top."

The guard shook his head at the Vault-Tec rep. "You finally get someone to sign up, and you don't even hand in the paperwork on time." He took the clipboard.

"Well, the deadline was 'whenever nuclear war happens,' I didn't think-"

"That's right, you didn't think," the guard interrupted. He stepped aside and held out his arm towards the Vault. "Right this way, sir. Two adults, one tiny adult. Er, a baby."

"Thank you," Nora said. Her and her husband rushed past.

The Vault-Tec rep tried to follow them, and the guard hit him in the face with the butt of his rifle. "No way, buddy. Not after this screw-up."

"Excuse me? They just signed the thing! They got here before I did!"

"Whose fault is that?"

Nate and Nora hurried to the Vault. A handful of their neighbors were already standing on the big metal platform that read "111." Vault-Tec personnel ushered them closer together.

"Ugh," Nate said quietly, looking at the other neighbors who were going to be saved from nuclear annihilation with him. "The Parkers."

"Shh!" Nora elbowed him in the ribs.

"Oh, hey!" Mr. Parker said, noticing Nate and Nora. "Honey, look who will be not dying with us!"

Nate and Nora faked smiles and shook hands with their neighbors, who then started making small talk. Despite the potentially catastrophic nuclear war that had just started, the Parkers had plenty to say about Mr. Parker's promotion at work and how their son was doing so well in college and how they had a Mr. Handy who wasn't marked half-off because it was slightly defective. They asked questions about Shaun, if he was walking or talking yet, so they could compare his progress to their son's progress when he was a baby.

 _I wish something, anything, would get me out of this,_ Nate thought. There was a bright flash and a dull roar, and everyone turned to see Boston engulfed in a fiery mushroom cloud. Waves of heat rippled out as the worst weapon ever conceived by mankind took countless lives, disintegrating those who were lucky and mangling the rest into a veritable hell-on-earth. _Thank God_.

"Fuck it! Start the elevator!" one Vault-Tec employee shouted to another. The Vault platform jerked a bit, and then began lowering into the earth. The machinery gently brought them down into the safety of Vault 111.

"There goes my Saturday," Nate said, in an attempt to break the uncomfortable silence of the elevator ride. Nobody responded.

"Look, Shaun," Nora said when they reached the bottom. Vault-Tec scientists were waiting for them. "Our new home. Isn't it… great?"

Shaun vomited on himself.

"This way, this way." The Vault-Tec scientist guided everyone off the platform and into the Vault proper. "If you'll line up to receive your official Vault 111 jumpsuits."

"There's always a line," Nate said.

"I am going to hit you with our own baby if you don't shut the hell up," Nora replied.

The line was surprisingly efficient, considering it was the end of the world. The townspeople received their one-size-fits-all jumpsuits and became Vault Dwellers. One-size-fits-all apparently did not apply to Shaun, so they had to fold his jumpsuit over a few times and keep it in place with rubber bands.

The scientist led them to the next room, a long hallway lined with machinery. They were metallic pods, enough to fit one person comfortably and two people uncomfortably. The Vault Dwellers were herded into the chambers.

"What's this for?" Nora asked.

"If you read the fine print of the paperwork you signed, you'd know," the scientist replied, helping her into a pod.

"Nobody reads that shit," she replied. "And I'm a lawyer."

"Not my problem. Now just stand here and we'll, uh decontaminate you."

"No complaints here," Nate said. "I skipped showering this morning."

"Very nice," the scientist replied without looking up from his clipboard. "Okay, one of you can hold the baby. The little tiny baby pod wasn't finished in time."

Nate and Nora looked at each other from their respective pods. "I'll take him."  
After Shaun was hastily handed to one of them, the pods closed. Nate and Nora could still hear the scientists talking, albeit muffled through a few inches of metal.

"Alright, that's all of them. Let's get this trainwreck moving."  
"What exactly is this supposed to test?"

The first scientist shrugged his shoulders. "Who cares?"

"Alright, put 'em under."A warning light, a jarring alarm, and the sound of air being compressed. Then they were frozen.


End file.
